We are Monday, what else can i say??

..........I don't know how to start this post, i have so much in my head right now. Things that are happening at a different rate for each thing. It's like music, they'res differents beats to each part of the sounds of the song. (in some cases)

I'm in love, i can see that everytime i'm with this person. I think Jehovah God truly wanted me to find someone to make me happy. In that time, before she came along, things where somewhat upsetting. It sucked, once again i mention my grand-father's death, several things going on at work, at school, girl troubles, and family. I needed someone to love me. I felt during those months of hardship, that i wanted someone to love me for who i am, someone who won't judge because of my struggles and my difficulties, having ADHD and Asperger Syndrome is like putting the wrong ingredients into a recipe for a cake, we know that a cake is supposed to be sweet, full of taste, but with me its very different (and unorthodox too!!)

I view my ADHD as if you put way too much sugar, you know Red Bull?? well its on my cake!! I won't simmer down. I get energetic, and i feel that huge crash whenever i pull an all-nighter after working until 3am (it was only during the summer)

And i view my asperger's as if i made the cake raw an uncooked. And also missing the icing, which is the best part. The cake to me represents my own identity, and when that cake is baked, it's complete, like I have my own identity, which i find most of the time, i don't. And the icing represents the normality that i don't feel like i have. When the cake is baked and they're's icing, that means to me that i'm ready. I understand social q's. I managed to be normally capable of having a full «normal» conversation. But right now, I'm the cake that's not cooked, I'm missing ingredients, what is that?? what am i missing??!! I know the feeling when something is wrong, but this time it's me, not someone elses fault.

Sometimes, there a part of the day, where i'm alone, and my friends are doing some sh** that i won't do, because i don't like it. And i walk alone, my «special friend» is with someone that has hurted my heart, so i can't really stay around with her. And then there is only this computer that i'm writing this post, at the libary. It's been a lonely year. time for me to wake up and smell the fresh air. I'm seeing someone, i haven't done that in a long time. And she's actually someone of my own religion that i love so much!! Her parents adore me, her eyes makes my heart melt, and so one and so forth (i'm just not going into anymore details) ITS DONE!!!) Well.......for now. Anyways, so the point is, is that this blog helped me for 4 years to relieve my stress (or is it 3 years???!!!....hmmmmm...) And i thank those who managed to read this almost everyday seeing that i posted something different, I managed to meet someone at my grand-father's wake, it was a mother and a father, their child had the same problems as me, i'm glad that she reads this. I hope that saying my opinion can show clearly what I think, It doesn't mean that its not true or that its wrong. Its just my opnion and this allows me to release some anxiety to the everyday problems that i faced. *sigh* theres just so much to do , my last year of high school is starting to take the toll on me.

Lets just hope that i just don't pull the plug already, because i have so much to face, yet i'm already getting the feeling that i should just surrender and runaway with my life

And that's how it ends.

for now......

Tyler