My sister is my friend, ever since she was born I always knew she was going to be precious towards me and our families life. Even as we got older until this very day, I definitely need help, i've pissed my sister off so many times. There's been so much conflict between me: always being a sarcastic brat!! and her: doing her exaggerations and her drama's and her bad-ass attitude.
and personnally, I'm in no mood to rant about her anymore. I just want to get along, I love my sister, If she was dying, i would give my own heart to save her, I feel like she derserves more than the regular sarcastic sh** i give her. I love it when we get along. I always seemed to make her laugh at night, ( of course she was over tired) And she makes me laugh as well. She doesn't thinks so, but she does. At night, I laugh out loud sometimes because of her.
Sometimes, we always had those soft momments. She'd ask me for advice, when she was down i cheered her up, (of course i'd had to humiliate myself of course) I hate when i'm a smart ass with her, she's my friend and my sister, It hurts me everytime she looks at me when she's angry, I hate that so much!! !
And knowing that i'm the cause of her not talking to me, i feel like my face just got grabbed and was thrown into horse sh**!! Because its stinks to lose her because of me.
And the last few weeks have been nothing but back and forth yappity yap yap!! And i'm tired of it. I mean, when i get married and MAYBE have children, i want them to get along with there aunt Cassandra, i'd rather have my children get along with her than f**king everything up with her because i can't have a «normal» conversation with her. I was actually thinking several times, my possible children saying - Dad? Why don't you talk to your sister??» I would not know what to say to that. - Son, Your dad never got along with your sister.»
That makes my heart grumble, minus that i'm hungry, but theres room for guilt right??
I hate having my sister not be able to understand the different way of thinking, and i especially hate when I just hurt the hell out of her, she said to me: - Sarcasm hurts.......» she said in tears. I just want everything to get better, things won't go away easily, I have to learn, she has to learn, we both have to learn. I want to get along, way before i get married, have kids (again, repetition of what i said earlier on this post) and have that relationship with my sister as a BFF, my sister means everything, and her saying to me she'll never forgive me ever again, makes my heart feels like she just took a nailgun and just kept on shooting at me, piercing me with all the flesh tearing away, and we all know that after flesh, there is the bones, the muscles, etc. Eventually it will lead to my heart, and she'll rip it to shreds.
My sister Cassandra, means everything to me, and I hate being the smart mouth hurting her, I admit, i've hit more than three strikes, i'm already out, i'm done, but she has to know that i'm sorry. Whatever happens, she may or may not have made the right descision, she knows what she's doing......and frankly......she was right, i don't know what i'm doing
*sigh* whatever
Tyler
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Someone needs help, and that someone is ME!!!
Meeting different people during my time at school as frankly become another game of twister. Some people are great and fun to be with, while others are just complete little f*cking bitches!! (forgive the language, its nessecary for me to make a point)
I remember posting a year ago of meeting a girl one time, that seemed to be one of a kind, frankly this person really show her true colors. Of course she came from another part of the planet, she viewed things differently, it all became clear of what she viewed me. A apparently stupid teenager that did not understand me at all. She was impossible to work with. To communicate normally was even harder, since i got really uncomfortable, i always layed a pointless joke to try and ease the pain. It sucked to finally realize that this person was quite the nagging and cranky person she was. And thinking that there was a connection back then was a huge mistake.
For after that whole year, the summer was the hardest, i kep thinking of the pain she gave me and i had to absorb it all in, it was like i did not have the time to weep. The tears never flowed beyong my eyesight, it was just complete sh*t!! Facebook became another drama, writing down my emotions seemed hard enough as it is, and reading her profile and seeing her face made me angry. It was uncontrolllable anger. Of course, i keep my anger in secret since there is so many important things to do. And during that time, my grandfather died and i was not myself. I was easily hurted and angered at school. I didn't care for school at all. Listening to myself seemed only to make things worst. So just shutting up and go to school and work is all i could really do.
*sigh* Now this person has become an annoyance in my life. She doesn't make sense, she's friends with one of my «close» friends, and with her in the picture, it seems that nothing can happen since she's there. The only time i have with my «special» friend is at the congregation and helping her with her English homework, then we used to go to the libary and talk, but my «speical» friend is being dragged away from me from that person. That person is angry with me because she realized that she was wrong and treated me like shit!! And that makes me proud, not because i pissed her off, i made her realize what she did wrong. And she's not speaking and ignoring me, like any other little brat would.
She acts so innocent and pretends like nothing happened. But when i talk with my «special» friend, she's so pissed that i have someone better than her. With all of this joy happening, why do i feel like shit??!!
Luckily, i have no answer at the momment, but i have only an ideal concept, i don't like arguing with friends, and frankly, that person was sorta my friend. She would text me telling about her boyfriend back in her country, i would encourage her, even though she hurted me, i always thought there would be hope for change.
I was wrong, she was just a b*tch, and i can't do anything about it. She's a child, and she doesn't know what she got herself into. She always called me stupid, because i joked and laughed with one of her guy friends (whom is my friend as well. ) She tried to fit in, yet she doesn' succeed because she doesn't understand what WE are saying and since she doesn't, she just calls me stupid.
WHAT A BUNCH OF SH*T!!!!!
That's when things in my life get so hard that i say: F*CK IT!! IM DONE!!! THANKS FOR PLAYING!!! I GIVE UP!!!»
Whatever happens, lets just hope its for the good of things.
Tyler
I remember posting a year ago of meeting a girl one time, that seemed to be one of a kind, frankly this person really show her true colors. Of course she came from another part of the planet, she viewed things differently, it all became clear of what she viewed me. A apparently stupid teenager that did not understand me at all. She was impossible to work with. To communicate normally was even harder, since i got really uncomfortable, i always layed a pointless joke to try and ease the pain. It sucked to finally realize that this person was quite the nagging and cranky person she was. And thinking that there was a connection back then was a huge mistake.
For after that whole year, the summer was the hardest, i kep thinking of the pain she gave me and i had to absorb it all in, it was like i did not have the time to weep. The tears never flowed beyong my eyesight, it was just complete sh*t!! Facebook became another drama, writing down my emotions seemed hard enough as it is, and reading her profile and seeing her face made me angry. It was uncontrolllable anger. Of course, i keep my anger in secret since there is so many important things to do. And during that time, my grandfather died and i was not myself. I was easily hurted and angered at school. I didn't care for school at all. Listening to myself seemed only to make things worst. So just shutting up and go to school and work is all i could really do.
*sigh* Now this person has become an annoyance in my life. She doesn't make sense, she's friends with one of my «close» friends, and with her in the picture, it seems that nothing can happen since she's there. The only time i have with my «special» friend is at the congregation and helping her with her English homework, then we used to go to the libary and talk, but my «speical» friend is being dragged away from me from that person. That person is angry with me because she realized that she was wrong and treated me like shit!! And that makes me proud, not because i pissed her off, i made her realize what she did wrong. And she's not speaking and ignoring me, like any other little brat would.
She acts so innocent and pretends like nothing happened. But when i talk with my «special» friend, she's so pissed that i have someone better than her. With all of this joy happening, why do i feel like shit??!!
Luckily, i have no answer at the momment, but i have only an ideal concept, i don't like arguing with friends, and frankly, that person was sorta my friend. She would text me telling about her boyfriend back in her country, i would encourage her, even though she hurted me, i always thought there would be hope for change.
I was wrong, she was just a b*tch, and i can't do anything about it. She's a child, and she doesn't know what she got herself into. She always called me stupid, because i joked and laughed with one of her guy friends (whom is my friend as well. ) She tried to fit in, yet she doesn' succeed because she doesn't understand what WE are saying and since she doesn't, she just calls me stupid.
WHAT A BUNCH OF SH*T!!!!!
That's when things in my life get so hard that i say: F*CK IT!! IM DONE!!! THANKS FOR PLAYING!!! I GIVE UP!!!»
Whatever happens, lets just hope its for the good of things.
Tyler
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