Grandfather is gone....and so am I

**sigh**

Writing this, makes me feel cold, I have so many things to catch up, since grandpa's death, (two saturdays ago) i have felt different emotions, Hatred, Depression, Joy, Saddness, and even some that are indescribable , During the time of death of my grandfather, my father has been very sad, i feel very sad aswell, yet i feel bad because i don't share that same feelings as he does, which is of course: Pain, Suffering, Saddness, i feel different, something that is a positive thing, when i heard that my grandfather died, right after work, as soon as i heard the terrible and tragic news, i said to god: - It's not your fault, people say it is, but it's not.''

For the next seven-eight days, i have witness different emotions, met different people that where connected to my grandfather, never have i met someone like him who has the nerve to speak with so many people and change them for who they are. He was kind, generous, funny sense of humour, caring and attentive.

After the funeral, people invited us to his favorite pub, drinks where served, great stories where told about him.

- Goodbye Grandpa." i said as we left the pub with smiles on our faces.

** End**

_________________________________________

Continuing on, Today is my first day of school since i've returned from our ''trip'', I feel depressed lately, even though it may involve Grandpa's death, it took me a frickin while for me to feel the pain, to be honest, i don't see saddness in death, the last funeral i was in, when they buried the person who died, i was sad, yes, but i wasn't sad as in:  I'm really upset that this such person does not exist and i can't stand the baring pain of it, so crying has to help me release the pain...."  i don't do that.

Moving on, Since i've been staying (in total) of two weeks in Ottawa and Montreal, i've been somewhat School-Sick, and my friends that mean alot to me, i've miss them aswell,

Including someone special, lately i've been frantic about a special someone that meant alot to me, (it's been about close to a month that i HAD these feelings) but unfortunately, people have made proof of evil deeds that the person i love has made.

This person has betrayed me, and backstabbed me, i feel used and mocked behind my back. I fully don't understand how a person that meant alot to me and seemed to have a wonderful friendly relationship has the guts to turn like some pathetic A**hole!!! What is the motivation for that??! has there been some contact with some satanic worshiper and has taken possesion of this person??!!! And the worst part is that i've told her my problems and my life with Aspergers and ADHD, and that just sucks monkey ba**!!! I can't believe that i've done that,

It doesn't seem that this person has the guts to do that, when you just look at them.


Let her  go!! i say!!

Tyler Mac