I can't help myself......i really can't.

I've never been lucky with relationships, never. maybe once, but that was a long time ago (maybe about four years) I was tormented by my own feelings that stood in the way of being friends and just staying as friends. I can't seem to aquire any girl-friends because those i start to become friends become my crushes. i need to keep at least six months of secrecy between love and confessions. I can't understand myself and my feelings, my feelings for a certain someone has been a confusing roller-coaster ride. Going up and down, and just sometimes i get so immature  that i always had faith that i never will love someone. (i can't seem to find the right person that can relate to me: being different, and being excluded, i don't see that journey with someone yet. but do i have to have that journey with someone??

Can't we all have our love written in some heaven for saken book that God himself had already planned out. I love someone and i can't have that feeling stand between our friendship. I can't....i just can't. I can't tell her name, i wish i could, (if she ever found about me writting my fellings about, and she could read a little English) I think she doesn't me the  way i see myself. I see myself as a : Defection, a human being unable to understand the cooperation of social beings that communicate through social gatherings and some random shit like that.....

I'm pretty sure she'll make someone happy, but not me, i don't see myself going up to her, sitting at the table in the middle of the lunch hall talking and getting to know her, it's not like i can't do it, it's just that i haven't had the guts to do it. Maybe someone can be a nice person and give me a confidence boost.

Drop me a line/quote/comment/comments of encouragement/offerings/sacrifices (your first daughters are ok with me) at : findtheequationordie@hotmail.com it sounds like a stupid email, but i just had no idea of what other email names i could find. I really need some fucking encouragement. I really need it.

Or we could have a bake sale?? a picnic??? I dunno what to do, i really could uses some help, i i kind of exagerrated on the whole gonna spend my paycheck on a girl that i have no chance with kinda thing.... I will not make a mistake for the 30th time, trust me, at my age, i'm pretty sure my readers are able to compare with me.

I get so upset because i have the lack of courage, i manage to take her out to pizza once....just once....i wasn't that momment of PRP (Pure Romantic Perfection) (i'm gonna have to make a list of those)

I have to define my choice of title that i used for this post, I just can' help myself of be tempted to go out there in the middle of the crowd saying : Marry..mme...i mean....will you go out with me.....ah......i .....i'm really nervous....... and thinking:( F*ck!! i suck !!! ) then later saying: You...you....you don't have to go out with me.....in my head: (yes you do) and continuing: I'm kind of a dooshbag when i speak to girls.. ( wait a minute??!!! she speaks french)

Let me rephrase everything just for the sick fun of it.

: Épouse.... mmoi..... je veut dire....voudrait to sortir avec moi.....euh...je.....je suis vraiment nerveux et je pense: ( Tarbarnac je suce!!! ) et après je dit: Tu....tu....tu n'a pas besoin de sortir avec moi...dans ma tête (Oui tu dois) et je continue : je suis un dooshbag quand je parle au femmes.


Ok let me be just a little more stupid and do it in spanish:

Tengo que definir mi elección del título que he usado para este puesto, yo sólo puedo ayudarme a mí mismo de la tentación de salir en medio de la multitud diciendo: Cásate con la señora .. ... .... i media se de salir conmigo ..... ah ..... ...... i estoy muy nervioso ....... y pensar: (F * ck! chupar i!) y más tarde diciendo: Tú ... tú .... que no tiene que salir conmigo ..... en mi cabeza: (sí usted hacer) y continua: Soy una especie de dooshbag Cuando hablo con las niñas ..


Anyways remember the comments you can leave me....i'm a little stressed out: so remember.

findtheequationordie@hotmail.com

Tyler Mac