I'm sorry, this is just too much to handle...i can't decide...what the F to do.

I can't seem to realize of how selfish o can be with money, i always have cash to burn just for myself, but then today, it all changed, i was planning to spend my paycheck on a CMFXLS (Custom-Made-FX-Lightsaber) from Saberforge.com. But then...i saw her......she was beautiful, her hair, what she wore, her smile, AHH GOD!! It was never more clear to me, i needed someone like her, (or maybe i NEEDED her) i'm not mentionning any names. I wanted to tell her everyday that i love her: but i ruin my life by saying it . '' I wanted to get her a small gift (50-100$ basically) a small token of our friendship. By giving her a gift, i would kill myself just to see her smile when i give her something that means alot to me, (and a hug would be nice once in a while....but like it would happen)

I was glad to see her today, i was shocked of how amazing she was with her hair, her elegant look, her beautiful smile that made me smile when i made he laugh (i wasn't being gross) i was making fun of myself, and basically she enjoyed it, I was so happy to make her laugh, i was happy to be with her, was that all i needed??? or did i need something to make me feel more happy with someone that i felt back then?? i wanted to give someone something meaningfull to me. She is meaningfull. I know it. I can't see me being with her, i can't...but i wish, one wish i would like is for me to be with someone like her (again....maybe herself. )


I can't decide.....what can i do??? i've made myself clear that i wanted to spend my paycheck on a CMFXLS (do i have to identifie each letter???)


I need support and a decision.


Thanks for reading


Tyler Mac